Alright y'all, I know I'm a little overdue for a blog post here, but things have been a little hectic with my travel schedule lately! Enjoy this post coming to you from Lake Tahoe (praise Jesus for snow and hot guys on snow boards - can I get an amen?).
So to the good stuff...a friend of a friend once said that she had the dream of marrying a doctor or lawyer, so in order to meet someone (of either profession) she actually started doing her nightly run down around the medical college in her hometown. Seeing as her version of McDreamy landed in her lap, I thought I'd give it a go myself...except that my version involves a Veterinarian and a lot less running. (For the record, there are only two instances where I will run (1) when I'm being chased and (2) if I'm trying to snag a fabulous pair of pumps at a Black Friday Sale - get outta my way cuz I will run your ass over).
The Vet magically turned up at just the right time (could it be fate?) in my inbox with one of the nicest and least stalker-ish emails I had received since venturing into this online dating business. We seemed to have a lot in common (at least our online dating personalities did) and his pictures portrayed a very attractive, athletic, tall, sandy blonde dreamboat. We exchanged flirtatious emails (same song and dance as the others), but I was quite hopeful when I finally got the email asking for my phone number so that he could ask me out on a date over the phone. A man with some manners...what planet could this guy be from?
Anyway, he calls (just like he said he would) and asks if we could meet for dinner that Wednesday night. Of course I agreed...I was certain I'd found my version of McDreamy (secretly hoping for McSteamy -- but geez what girl isn't). When Wednesday rolled around, I pulled out the ole standbys...blouse, skinnies, and my best pumps. I had to have my A-game on...this was serious business.
As you've hopefully learned by this point, this girl loves her stilettos, so short boys are completely out of my relationship equation (sorry y'all, but this girl's just got too many good shoes to even attempt to make that work). That being said, you can imagine my shock when I showed up to the restaurant and my McDreamy turned out to be a shorter, less athletic version of the online Vet I'd met (well you know what I mean).
In spite of the fact that I towered over him (okay I was only a few inches taller in my heels, but I felt like a giant), I sucked it up and thought "hey, he may be a really nice guy, so put your big girl panties on and give this your best go". We were a few days from some holiday (I can't remember if it was memorial day, labor day, July 4th - whatever, you get the picture), and upon exchanging what our plans were, I learned he had family that lived about 45 minutes away that he was going to visit.
Alright y'all, this is where my wonderful dating karma kicked it into full gear...HE INVITED ME TO COME WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WANTED TO INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOTHER!!!! Slow down there cowboy...we have been sitting in this restaurant for all of about 2 hours and you are already inviting me to meet your parents?! Lord, I know I'm a catch, but everyone needs to work for it a little bit, right?
If that wasn't awkward enough, the night managed to get exponentially worse. On the way out of the restaurant, the Vet attempted to salvage the date by suggesting we grab a drink somewhere else. As you can imagine, the social scene isn't exactly poppin' off on a Wednesday night, so his attempt to find a bar was fruitless. This is where he suggested we could head over to his place to "watch some tv".
Surely this guy couldn't be serious??? This is the point where I quickly made up some nonsense about a big meeting at work the next morning and that I really needed to call it a night....blah blah blah. Eeeeek!!!
McDreamy turned into a McDudd and I was back at square one. Me and "square one" are becoming quite the BFFs if you haven't noticed a theme here.
So if you're keeping track the score is now:
Me -- 0
Online Creepers -- 3
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
The Event Promoter
Alright ya'll, it's time to get serious. I need a few moments to be candid here about the guy I'm going to call the "Event Promoter". Like I said before, he was my first mis-adventure in the online dating world. As expected, the first date was filled with small talk and witty remarks (on my part) as we each attempted to get to know the complete stranger sitting across from us at the table.
We met at a local coffee shop here in Gainesville, and I must say, I was looking quite fabulous that night (skinnies, new blouse, cute ballet flats, amazing hair -- you get the picture). We met on a week night and after some playful banter, a very nice latte, and a few hours had passed, I headed home feeling like I had slam dunked my first online date. This was going to be a piece of cake right? Ha!
The Event Promoter called the next day, like any good gentleman, to ask if he could take me out on, what I would call, a "real" date. You know the kind I'm talking about ladies, the ones you put your good stilettos and real effort into. I was traveling at the end of the week for work, so when he asked if I was available Saturday night, I politely declined, but offered up another night the following week as an alternative. He agreed (no surprise here) so we went about the next few days exchanging a few text messages (and one other phone call), but nothing too over the top...and this is where things got super weird (talk about fast - this was a record even for me).
I received a text message from the Event Promoter telling me that he had something very important that he felt he needed to tell me (at this point, I'm in Chicago, Dallas, San Fran --- insert city here because I can't keep up anymore). I was busy (obviously) so after not hearing from me for an hour or so (yes -- i kid you not), he proceeds to send me this lengthy text message that goes something like this:
"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to the doctor on Monday and there's a really good chance that I have cancer. I don't want to freak you out, but I just really need you to be there for me on this one."
This is the part where my jaw hit the floor and these are the thoughts that proceeded to run through my head --
(1) Wow...
(2) We've been on one date.
(3) Be there for him? I don't even know him. What the hell??
(4) This really sucks. I genuinely hope he's okay. (see--I'm not a total bitch)
All of this followed by my reply, "I hope that everything turns out okay. Please keep me posted and I will say a little prayer for you in the meantime."
Now for the kicker...Monday comes around and the real truth comes out. The Event Promoter wrote me to tell me that he actually had an appointment with a dermatologist...to have a mole removed.
Who does this?!?! Please don't get me wrong here, I'm definitely sympathetic to someone who has cancer and have dealt with it (on more than one occasion) within my own family. But holy crap, what kind of dude throws down something like this to a girl he just met and then basically follows up with "I might have been exaggerating a little here". Did this seriously just happen to me?
So, here's the part where I bestow some of my "worldly" dating wisdom upon you: if a boy ever throws down any kind of heavy information like this after one date, run. Run like hell, in the opposite direction as fast as your gorgeous, stiletto wearing legs will move you. Because I can promise you, that boy landed in the online dating world for a reason and he just gave you a sneak peek at why.
me: 0 vs. online creepers: 1
Want to really make a killing Apple? Try inventing an "undo" app for life instead of trying to sell me a new iphone every other month.
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
We met at a local coffee shop here in Gainesville, and I must say, I was looking quite fabulous that night (skinnies, new blouse, cute ballet flats, amazing hair -- you get the picture). We met on a week night and after some playful banter, a very nice latte, and a few hours had passed, I headed home feeling like I had slam dunked my first online date. This was going to be a piece of cake right? Ha!
The Event Promoter called the next day, like any good gentleman, to ask if he could take me out on, what I would call, a "real" date. You know the kind I'm talking about ladies, the ones you put your good stilettos and real effort into. I was traveling at the end of the week for work, so when he asked if I was available Saturday night, I politely declined, but offered up another night the following week as an alternative. He agreed (no surprise here) so we went about the next few days exchanging a few text messages (and one other phone call), but nothing too over the top...and this is where things got super weird (talk about fast - this was a record even for me).
I received a text message from the Event Promoter telling me that he had something very important that he felt he needed to tell me (at this point, I'm in Chicago, Dallas, San Fran --- insert city here because I can't keep up anymore). I was busy (obviously) so after not hearing from me for an hour or so (yes -- i kid you not), he proceeds to send me this lengthy text message that goes something like this:
"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to the doctor on Monday and there's a really good chance that I have cancer. I don't want to freak you out, but I just really need you to be there for me on this one."
This is the part where my jaw hit the floor and these are the thoughts that proceeded to run through my head --
(1) Wow...
(2) We've been on one date.
(3) Be there for him? I don't even know him. What the hell??
(4) This really sucks. I genuinely hope he's okay. (see--I'm not a total bitch)
All of this followed by my reply, "I hope that everything turns out okay. Please keep me posted and I will say a little prayer for you in the meantime."
Now for the kicker...Monday comes around and the real truth comes out. The Event Promoter wrote me to tell me that he actually had an appointment with a dermatologist...to have a mole removed.
Who does this?!?! Please don't get me wrong here, I'm definitely sympathetic to someone who has cancer and have dealt with it (on more than one occasion) within my own family. But holy crap, what kind of dude throws down something like this to a girl he just met and then basically follows up with "I might have been exaggerating a little here". Did this seriously just happen to me?
So, here's the part where I bestow some of my "worldly" dating wisdom upon you: if a boy ever throws down any kind of heavy information like this after one date, run. Run like hell, in the opposite direction as fast as your gorgeous, stiletto wearing legs will move you. Because I can promise you, that boy landed in the online dating world for a reason and he just gave you a sneak peek at why.
me: 0 vs. online creepers: 1
Want to really make a killing Apple? Try inventing an "undo" app for life instead of trying to sell me a new iphone every other month.
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Victoria's Secret vs. Online Dating
Let me preface this post by saying that online dating is not for the faint of heart. And as I stated before, trying to convey to a man how gorgeous, witty, and charming you are in 1500 characters or less is no easy task.
While we all hope to meet our future beau the old-fashioned, organic way, for some people (like myself) that becomes increasingly difficult when you factor in things like small towns (where everyone knows everyone -- lived there), jam packed schedules (we work, we church, we volunteer, at some point we must sleep) and jobs that require extensive travel (shout out to my girl at the Terminal D Starbucks in the Atlanta Airport for always getting my latte just perfect)!
So where do you even start? Match, eharmony, plenty of fish.... you've got Christian singles sites, sites that are known for attracting those wishing to settle down right away, and others who have reputations for people just looking to hook up. The options are as endless and varied as the collection of bras in a Victoria's Secret catalog!
After much debate with the girls over which to sign up for, I finally took the plunge into the online world of dating. I spent some time carefully crafting the "perfect profile" and strategically choosing my best photos (keep in mind the boys do this too --but I will get to what I learned about this later). Within a few days, my inbox was full of male suitors who were ready to "get to know me". Unfortunately, as with everything else in life, the good always comes with some bad (or in my case a whole lot of it).
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Where is Prince Charming?
A big ole howdy from Nashville, TN! Forgive my delay in posting, but my boots were aching to get out of my closet and back to my ole stomping grounds...if only for a few nights!
So where were we? Ah, yes....being single in your twenties definitely leads you to question what's the best approach to meeting people your own age. Your options become:
(A) the bar scene -- while your potential suitors are getting "crunk with their bros" and you're navigating the waters of who is post grad versus who is still living it up in the dorm...easier said than done.
(B) the office -- could be okay if you work for a big company, otherwise this could get VERY awkward. Always best to steer clear of this one in my opinion.
(C) church -- this always seems to be a mixed bag of super-religious zealots who are ready to put a ring on it after one date, and those really awesome guys who are already spoken for....siiiigh (besides you probably shouldn't be checking dudes out while you're getting your Jesus on, but we know we're all guilty of it)
(D) online dating websites -- this is definitely acceptable, but if anyone has figured out a way to write a profile that is the right amount of fun, attractive, and intriguing in 1500 characters or less, we need to talk!
(E) the gym (or other co-ed activities) -- as long as you don't mind seeing the same people around if things don't work out. Either that or you're going to have to get creative with your workout routine if things go south.
While I've tried them all, I must say that my funniest stories have definitely come from option D. So for the next few posts I'm going to give you my inside perspective on the mystical, magical, world of online dating. The Lawyer, The Firefighter, The Medical Device Rep...their occupations are endless and their dating skills atrocious.
With so many frogs around, I'm now completely convinced that my Prince Charming has taken a wrong turn, gotten lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Until next time...
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
The Marketing Manager
Alright, so in the midst of the email onslaught that began when I decided to start this whole online dating business, I actually met a guy (yes, a real living and breathing human being that I could actually see in person) who worked for a similar company in town and was also in the marketing field.
"The Marketer" seemed like a fairly nice guy. You know -- good job, nice personality, not trying to freak me out with medical illnesses in the first week. In my book, this one was already a winner.
After weeks and weeks of flirting (why in the hell it takes guys so long to ask a girl out I will never understand), he finally asked if he could take me out that Saturday night. After careful consideration (about thirty seconds of thinking I had no food in the house and a new blouse I'd been dying to wear out), I agreed to go. This is the part where he did his manly bit and asked if I would like to go to dinner or a movie.
Now ladies, I need to make sure we are on the same page here and that you noticed that he said dinner OR a movie....not dinner AND a movie. After some discussion, I suggested that since it was the weekend we'd have time for a casual dinner AND a movie if he was up for that...
To which he replied, "Let's just do a movie. I'm actually saving up for a BMW right now and don't need to really spend any money."
Whaaaaaaaaaat??? Hold the phone a second here. This is the part where i have to tell you this boy was already driving a brand new Jetta! I cut the guy some slack and went on one date with him (longest movie ever), but let me tell you what I learned from this one. If a man cannot get his self together and put a little effort into a nice first date, keep on looking. Chances are he will always put you second to whatever it is that is occupying his attention (in this case, very nice cars). Poor thing, The Marketer got his BMW, but he is still single to this day.
The good news is, I managed to score a really cute pair of brown leather boots out of this one. Don't you just love shopping for first date outfits?!? So many first dates...which may explain why my guest room has turned into my second shoe closet.
On to the next one...but hey, at least my feet look good :)
Cupid Sucks,
shesthatgirl
"The Marketer" seemed like a fairly nice guy. You know -- good job, nice personality, not trying to freak me out with medical illnesses in the first week. In my book, this one was already a winner.
After weeks and weeks of flirting (why in the hell it takes guys so long to ask a girl out I will never understand), he finally asked if he could take me out that Saturday night. After careful consideration (about thirty seconds of thinking I had no food in the house and a new blouse I'd been dying to wear out), I agreed to go. This is the part where he did his manly bit and asked if I would like to go to dinner or a movie.
Now ladies, I need to make sure we are on the same page here and that you noticed that he said dinner OR a movie....not dinner AND a movie. After some discussion, I suggested that since it was the weekend we'd have time for a casual dinner AND a movie if he was up for that...
To which he replied, "Let's just do a movie. I'm actually saving up for a BMW right now and don't need to really spend any money."
Whaaaaaaaaaat??? Hold the phone a second here. This is the part where i have to tell you this boy was already driving a brand new Jetta! I cut the guy some slack and went on one date with him (longest movie ever), but let me tell you what I learned from this one. If a man cannot get his self together and put a little effort into a nice first date, keep on looking. Chances are he will always put you second to whatever it is that is occupying his attention (in this case, very nice cars). Poor thing, The Marketer got his BMW, but he is still single to this day.
The good news is, I managed to score a really cute pair of brown leather boots out of this one. Don't you just love shopping for first date outfits?!? So many first dates...which may explain why my guest room has turned into my second shoe closet.
On to the next one...but hey, at least my feet look good :)
Cupid Sucks,
shesthatgirl
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Hide-and-Go-Seek (on a universal scale)
Alright ladies (and gents - whom, let's be honest, i probably made out with before you actually came out, but we'll save that for another entry)...
If any of you know and have experienced the painstaking process (waxing, shelacing, dieting, blah blah blah) that is dating in your twenties, you will totally get where I'm coming from and where I'm going with this whole blog thing.
So, a little about me...
I work in marketing for a corporate office in Gainesville, Florida. My industry is male dominated, but I'm proud to say, my pumps have found their place here among the big boys.
Just like you, my closet is full of stilettos, skinnies, and other pretty, southern girl swag. And, while my closet and social calendar are maxed out, I'm still waiting on that line of gentleman callers that everyone keeps telling me they bet I "beat away with a stick." Can I just say here that I would like to know how that phrase even makes any sense?? I've found it necessary to beat some of these frogs away with a stick, but for much, much different reasons!!
Anyway, my dating life has been unbelievably comical up to this point in my life. To borrow a line from an old Deana Carter song, "Did I shave my legs for this?!?"
You'd think living in a college town would make this whole process easier. Theoretically, there should be a plethora of suitable, young men here. Med students, law students, young entrepreneurs...but seriously - is the universe playing a secret game of hide-and-go-seek that no one let me in on?
Blind dates, Match dates, uncomfortable moments with family friends...drinks, coffee, dinner dancing (well - in some cases I definitely wouldn't call it dancing)...I've been there and experienced it all.
Want to know what a date in my pumps looks like? Stay tuned...
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
If any of you know and have experienced the painstaking process (waxing, shelacing, dieting, blah blah blah) that is dating in your twenties, you will totally get where I'm coming from and where I'm going with this whole blog thing.
So, a little about me...
I work in marketing for a corporate office in Gainesville, Florida. My industry is male dominated, but I'm proud to say, my pumps have found their place here among the big boys.
Just like you, my closet is full of stilettos, skinnies, and other pretty, southern girl swag. And, while my closet and social calendar are maxed out, I'm still waiting on that line of gentleman callers that everyone keeps telling me they bet I "beat away with a stick." Can I just say here that I would like to know how that phrase even makes any sense?? I've found it necessary to beat some of these frogs away with a stick, but for much, much different reasons!!
Anyway, my dating life has been unbelievably comical up to this point in my life. To borrow a line from an old Deana Carter song, "Did I shave my legs for this?!?"
You'd think living in a college town would make this whole process easier. Theoretically, there should be a plethora of suitable, young men here. Med students, law students, young entrepreneurs...but seriously - is the universe playing a secret game of hide-and-go-seek that no one let me in on?
Blind dates, Match dates, uncomfortable moments with family friends...drinks, coffee, dinner dancing (well - in some cases I definitely wouldn't call it dancing)...I've been there and experienced it all.
Want to know what a date in my pumps looks like? Stay tuned...
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Cupid Sucks
Hello sweet blogging world!
Allow me to introduce myself...I am a sassy, successful, single twenty-something young woman living in Gainesville, Florida. I have called this bustling college town home for a few years now, but the 'where I'm at' is lesss important than the 'why I'm here'
...at least for now.
So, why am I here (in the blogging world, that is)?
After much discussion, laughter, critical analysis, and overall bitching to my girlfriends, I decided it was finally time to chronicle the laughable situation that some would call my "love" life.
While I can't promise any happy endings, I can promise a pretty entertaining story or two. Well, let's just be honest, I could fill up a book at this point! And at the end of the day, we can all thank the latest "frog" for finally inspiring me to write all of these hilarious things down.
To my girlfriends (and anyone else interested enough to read this nonsense), hold on to your hats because I couldn't make this crap up if I tried!
Until next time...
Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)