The Pharma Rep

Let's start this one with a few of my life stats since Jan 1st:

Delta SkyMiles racked up: 20,579 

States Visited: 6
Days of Graduate School Classes Attended: 8

Louis Vuitton purses purchased: 1 (in love)

Boyfriends had (and lost): 1 (definitely not in love)

Current count of date-worthy guys: 2.5

Being that my Delta SkyMiles account is rapidly growing, you all understand my past (and maybe present) need for the option of online dating. You can only imagine the difficulty of meeting men (high, low or any kind of caliber)  when you are constantly on the go. One would think that as much as I'm in airports and on airplanes that the odds are bound to be in my favor that I'd meet someone in an airport. Don't you get all starry eyed thinking about meeting your future companion while on a trip to a foreign country or something fabulous like that? 

Well how about a dose of reality? The truth is, in my post grad world of work travel, the last five years of airplane rides have resulted in sitting next to screaming toddlers, people who don't realize the value of deodorant, overweight people who take up their own seat and half of yours, among many other, dare we call them travel stereotypes?

However, this last little adventure I somehow managed to find fate on my side! On a trip to North Carolina a few weeks ago, I was walking through the security line and immediately noticed this very good looking man standing in line. I didn't think much of it, but definitely caught myself pausing and taking a second glance at this handsome fellow. I proceeded through the line and boarded my plane just like any other trip. I sat in my seat, pulled out my school books (yes, this year I have realized that plane rides can actually be quite productive given the right conditions) and prepared for my short one hour flight from Gainesville to Atlanta...coke products and biscoff cookies included. 

Less than a paragraph into my reading (corporate finance - definitely a good cure for insomnia), imagine my surprise to find hunky airline security guy settling into the seat next to me (can a girl get an amen over here?!?). So here are a few of his stats:

Occupation: Pharmaceutical Sales Rep
Age: Late 20's
Location: Gainesville (#winning)
Hotness Scale: 8.5 (#reallywinning)
Conversation Skills: Good (this isn't always a guarantee with the really cute ones...I know you know what I mean here)

One pleasant plane ride, and we were exchanging phone numbers in the Atlanta airport before departing our separate ways. A stop at my favorite terminal D starbucks and I was on my way to a few days of work in NC with a little extra bounce in my step. 

Yes, he has called...but that's a post for another day. 

Cupid Sucks (maybe a little less today),
Singleintheswamp

The Prequel to Lent a.k.a. The Basketball Player

I am certain that through my blog posts you ladies have gotten to know me a little bit here. And while the last post (40 Days of Sacrifice: Lent Single Girl Style) was a little out of the ordinary for me, you will understand where I'm going with that once I provide you with a little background.

The last few months have been crazy to say the least. Right around the holidays I met this really awesome guy (don't they all start that way?) and we hit it off right away. He lived 2 hours away, but we made the effort to see each other when we could and actually had a lot of fun getting to know each other. His schedule didn't allow him to travel much outside of his city, so I found myself in his town a lot.Yes, I actually squeezed all of that in my hectic work/travel/grad school schedule. Why? Because I really liked spending my time with the guy. Around the New Year you can imagine my elation when he asked me to be his girlfriend. 

Could it really be? A nice, good-looking, genuine guy who really wanted to do this with me! Ehhhhhhh....flash forward four weeks and I'm in the middle of one of my whirl wind travel tours...I'm talking four different states in a matter of seven days (hellllloooo frequent flyer miles). I just worked through the weekend with no time off at a sales conference and caught the next Delta flight from Florida to Atlanta where I'd be for a few days before heading off to Colorado. The Basketball Player and I skyped for an hour or so that afternoon and caught up on everything. It was great....so imagine my shock when I got a TEXT MESSAGE from him around 10PM that read something like this:

"Hey there. I just wanted to let you know that I don't have strong enough feelings for you to be in a long distance relationship. I think you are a great girl, but I just don't want all of the responsibility it takes to be a committed boyfriend right now, because I just don't have the time. My plate is really full. I really still want to be friends. I know you had planned on coming down to visit next weekend, and I would really still like it if you came."

WTF?! First of all, who does this over a text message? Grow some balls for goodness sake! Second, how much "responsibility" could I possibly be? I lived two hours away from this idiot! Third, yes you read that right. He broke up with me in a text message, AND STILL wanted me to drive two hours out of my way to come see him!!!

My reaction: "Ain't nobody got time for this"...thank you sweet brown (I ran out and didn't grab no shoes or nothing, Jesus). I've got enough friends, and let me just say they would NEVER deliver bad news through a text message. Didn't your mama raise you right??

Not upset...just plain annoyed. Not to mention this had to be the world's shortest relationship ever. Word to the wise...don't ask a girl to be exclusive unless you are really ready to do it. Otherwise you are wasting her time...and there are too many good looking men to dance with, fabulous shoes to be bought, and cities to be conquered to be wasting precious time.

Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp

40 Days of Sacrifice: Lent Single Girl Style

Okay, I know it's been weeks since my last blog, but between work and grad school I've barely had time to breathe. But enough with the excuses...it's back to the business of dating!

So the other day at work, one of my co-workers asked me what I was giving up for Lent. First of all, I'm not Catholic so it's not customary for me to participate in this Post Mardi Gras ritual (shout out to my NOLA readers), but I thought there are probably some things in my life I could forego for a bit.

As one would suspect, my Lent sacrifice revolved around dating. (See previous posts if you need to know why I need all the help I can get in this area.) Lately it seems that the guys who had a fighting chance at being serious boyfriend contenders have been the biggest let down of them all. Quite frankly you get tired of investing yourself in genuinely getting to know people for it to go south faster than your grandparents on their way to Florida once they hit retirement age.

Solution?? 40 days of "fun" dating. Nothing serious, but nothing sketchy either. We are just looking for a few good dates, not to turn ourselves into the village bicycle here. It's time to give up having expectations that these morons have any idea of what they are looking for in a woman. 

Why fun dating? It's no pressure! If you go in with no expectations you can be pleasantly surprised if something happens (insert disney princess theme music here) and avoid drowning your sorrows in a tub of chocolate ice cream if nothing comes of it (don't judge me, you all know you've done it). 

So I started with my first fun date this weekend...and you will die when you hear how I actually met this one ladies. No bar, no website, just one serendipitous encounter.

I must run for now...(figuratively not literally...it's too damn cold out for that)..stay tuned! 

Cupid Sucks, 

Singleintheswamp 

The Veterinarian

Alright y'all, I know I'm a little overdue for a blog post here, but things have been a little hectic with my travel schedule lately! Enjoy this post coming to you from Lake Tahoe (praise Jesus for snow and hot guys on snow boards - can I get an amen?).

So to the good stuff...a friend of a friend once said that she had the dream of marrying a doctor or lawyer, so in order to meet someone (of either profession) she actually started doing her nightly run down around the medical college in her hometown. Seeing as her version of McDreamy landed in her lap, I thought I'd give it a go myself...except that my version involves a Veterinarian and a lot less running. (For the record, there are only two instances where I will run (1) when I'm being chased and (2) if I'm trying to snag a fabulous pair of pumps at a Black Friday Sale - get outta my way cuz I will run your ass over).

The Vet magically turned up at just the right time (could it be fate?) in my inbox with one of the nicest and least stalker-ish emails I had received since venturing into this online dating business. We seemed to have a lot in common (at least our online dating personalities did) and his pictures portrayed a very attractive, athletic, tall, sandy blonde dreamboat. We exchanged flirtatious emails (same song and dance as the others), but I was quite hopeful when I finally got the email asking for my phone number so that he could ask me out on a date over the phone. A man with some manners...what planet could this guy be from?

Anyway, he calls (just like he said he would) and asks if we could meet for dinner that Wednesday night. Of course I agreed...I was certain I'd found my version of McDreamy (secretly hoping for McSteamy -- but geez what girl isn't). When Wednesday rolled around, I pulled out the ole standbys...blouse, skinnies, and my best pumps. I had to have my A-game on...this was serious business.

As you've hopefully learned by this point, this girl loves her stilettos, so short boys are completely out of my relationship equation (sorry y'all, but this girl's just got too many good shoes to even attempt to make that work). That being said, you can imagine my shock when I showed up to the restaurant and my McDreamy turned out to be a shorter, less athletic version of the online Vet I'd met (well you know what I mean).

In spite of the fact that I towered over him (okay I was only a few inches taller in my heels, but I felt like a giant), I sucked it up and thought "hey, he may be a really nice guy, so put your big girl panties on and give this your best go". We were a few days from some holiday (I can't remember if it was memorial day, labor day, July 4th - whatever, you get the picture), and upon exchanging what our plans were, I learned he had family that lived about 45 minutes away that he was going to visit.

Alright y'all, this is where my wonderful dating karma kicked it into full gear...HE INVITED ME TO COME WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WANTED TO INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOTHER!!!! Slow down there cowboy...we have been sitting in this restaurant for all of about 2 hours and you are already inviting me to meet your parents?! Lord, I know I'm a catch, but everyone needs to work for it a little bit, right?

If that wasn't awkward enough, the night managed to get exponentially worse. On the way out of the restaurant, the Vet attempted to salvage the date by suggesting we grab a drink somewhere else. As you can imagine, the social scene isn't exactly poppin' off on a Wednesday night, so his attempt to find a bar was fruitless. This is where he suggested we could head over to his place to "watch some tv".

Surely this guy couldn't be serious??? This is the point where I quickly made up some nonsense about a big meeting at work the next morning and that I really needed to call it a night....blah blah blah. Eeeeek!!!

McDreamy turned into a McDudd and I was back at square one. Me and "square one" are becoming quite the BFFs if you haven't noticed a theme here.

So if you're keeping track the score is now:
Me -- 0
Online Creepers -- 3

Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp

The Event Promoter

Alright ya'll, it's time to get serious. I need a few moments to be candid here about the guy I'm going to call the "Event Promoter". Like I said before, he was my first mis-adventure in the online dating world. As expected, the first date was filled with small talk and witty remarks (on my part) as we each attempted to get to know the complete stranger sitting across from us at the table.

We met at a local coffee shop here in Gainesville, and I must say, I was looking quite fabulous that night (skinnies, new blouse, cute ballet flats, amazing hair -- you get the picture). We met on a week night and after some playful banter, a very nice latte, and a few hours had passed, I headed home feeling like I had slam dunked my first online date. This was going to be a piece of cake right? Ha!

The Event Promoter called the next day, like any good gentleman, to ask if he could take me out on, what I would call, a "real" date. You know the kind I'm talking about ladies, the ones you put your good stilettos and real effort into. I was traveling at the end of the week for work, so when he asked if I was available Saturday night, I politely declined, but offered up another night the following week as an alternative. He agreed (no surprise here) so we went about the next few days exchanging a few text messages (and one other phone call), but nothing too over the top...and this is where things got super weird (talk about fast - this was a record even for me).

I received a text message from the Event Promoter telling me that he had something very important that he felt he needed to tell me (at this point, I'm in Chicago, Dallas, San Fran --- insert city here because I can't keep up anymore). I was busy (obviously) so after not hearing from me for an hour or so (yes -- i kid you not), he proceeds to send me this lengthy text message that goes something like this:

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to the doctor on Monday and there's a really good chance that I have cancer. I don't want to freak you out, but I just really need you to be there for me on this one."

This is the part where my jaw hit the floor and these are the thoughts that proceeded to run through my head --
(1) Wow...
(2) We've been on one date.
(3) Be there for him? I don't even know him. What the hell??
(4) This really sucks. I genuinely hope he's okay. (see--I'm not a total bitch)

All of this followed by my reply, "I hope that everything turns out okay. Please keep me posted and I will say a little prayer for you in the meantime."

Now for the kicker...Monday comes around and the real truth comes out. The Event Promoter wrote me to tell me that he actually had an appointment with a dermatologist...to have a mole removed.

Who does this?!?! Please don't get me wrong here, I'm definitely sympathetic to someone who has cancer and have dealt with it (on more than one occasion) within my own family. But holy crap, what kind of dude throws down something like this to a girl he just met and then basically follows up with "I might have been exaggerating a little here". Did this seriously just happen to me?

So, here's the part where I bestow some of my "worldly" dating wisdom upon you: if a boy ever throws down any kind of heavy information like this after one date, run. Run like hell, in the opposite direction as fast as your gorgeous, stiletto wearing legs will move you. Because I can promise you, that boy landed in the online dating world for a reason and he just gave you a sneak peek at why.

me: 0    vs.   online creepers: 1

Want to really make a killing Apple? Try inventing an "undo" app for life instead of trying to sell me a new iphone every other month.

Cupid Sucks,
singleintheswamp

Victoria's Secret vs. Online Dating

Let me preface this post by saying that online dating is not for the faint of heart. And as I stated before, trying to convey to a man how gorgeous, witty, and charming you are in 1500 characters or less is no easy task. 

While we all hope to meet our future beau the old-fashioned, organic way, for some people (like myself) that becomes increasingly difficult when you factor in things like small towns (where everyone knows everyone -- lived there), jam packed schedules (we work, we church, we volunteer, at some point we must sleep) and jobs that require extensive travel (shout out to my girl at the Terminal D Starbucks in the Atlanta Airport for always getting my latte just perfect)! 

So where do you even start? Match, eharmony, plenty of fish.... you've got Christian singles sites, sites that are known for attracting those wishing to settle down right away, and others who have reputations for people just looking to hook up. The options are as endless and varied as the collection of bras in a Victoria's Secret catalog!

After much debate with the girls over which to sign up for, I finally took the plunge into the online world of dating.  I spent some time carefully crafting the "perfect profile" and strategically choosing my best photos (keep in mind the boys do this too --but I will get to what I learned about this later). Within a few days, my inbox was full of male suitors who were ready to "get to know me". Unfortunately, as with everything else in life, the good always comes with some bad (or in my case a whole lot of it). 

One of my favorite introductory emails went something like this..."You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I could get lost in them and feel like I can see into your soul (when I look at your pictures)"...are you freaking kidding me?!?! Honestly, I'm not even sure what any girl does with a message like this other than immediately judge the sender and label them as a creeper.

I dug through the emails and filed away some of the really good ones to share with the girls at the office (I mean if you can't laugh over a situation like this with your girlfriends then why even have them) and picked out a few to respond to accordingly. That's when I stumbled upon the "Event Promoter". He was my first attempt at online dating. You already know how it ends, but the in between is always the best (or at least the most entertaining) part.

Tune in next time...you won't want to miss one of my first dating mis-adventures!

stay foxy,

singleintheswamp

Now if only this were true...

Where is Prince Charming?

A big ole howdy from Nashville, TN! Forgive my delay in posting, but my boots were aching to get out of my closet and back to my ole stomping grounds...if only for a few nights! 

So where were we? Ah, yes....being single in your twenties definitely leads you to question what's the best approach to meeting people your own age. Your options become: 

(A) the bar scene -- while your potential suitors are getting "crunk with their bros" and you're navigating the waters of who  is post grad versus who is still living it up in the dorm...easier said than done. 

(B) the office -- could be okay if you work for a big company, otherwise this could get VERY awkward. Always best to steer clear of this one in my opinion. 

(C) church -- this always seems to be a mixed bag of super-religious zealots who are ready to put a ring on it after one date, and those really awesome guys who are already spoken for....siiiigh (besides you probably shouldn't be checking dudes out while you're getting your Jesus on, but we know we're all guilty of it) 

(D) online dating  websites -- this is definitely acceptable, but if anyone has figured out a way to write a profile that is the right amount of fun, attractive, and intriguing in 1500 characters or less, we need to talk! 

(E) the gym (or other co-ed activities) -- as long as you don't mind seeing the same people around if things don't work out. Either that or you're going to have to get creative with your workout routine if things go south.

While I've tried them all,  I must say that my funniest stories have definitely come from option D. So for the next few posts I'm going to give you my inside perspective on the mystical, magical, world of online dating. The Lawyer, The Firefighter, The Medical Device Rep...their occupations are endless and their dating skills atrocious. 

With so many frogs around, I'm now completely convinced that my Prince Charming has taken a wrong turn, gotten lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. 

Until next time...

Cupid Sucks, 

singleintheswamp